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May 10, 2005
Why?
Are you asking a lot of "Why" questions?
In my recent training, I learnt that the recipient of the "WHY" is most of the time reacting defensive.
The nature of a WHY is aggressive - why did you do this, why did you do that. Why didn't you see this, why did you come home late. And so on.
Have you tried to ignore the "why" questions and reformulate it into one of the other "W" - what do you need to...., for example?
A WHY is important, of course, but keep it in your mind - just shut your mouth when you want to ask it.
Then, reformulate the question. It is not easy, but makes everyone's life easier.
Ask "What" instead .... Now - try reformulating a question that normally starts with a Why to a What.
Some examples: Instead of asking, why did you do this, ask - how could you have done it differently.
Or translate "Why didn't you do your homework" to "What did happen that you didn't do your homework?" or "What would you need to do your homework?"
It might sound linguistic, but it eases the mind. It simply empowers the recipient. Seriously.
Posted by Andreas at May 10, 2005 04:02 PM
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Comments
Yeah, I noticed that too. I feel very intimidated when someone WHYs me. This is amazing, to avoid using WHY, that is. It removes a feeling of guilt, yet empowers confidence and responsibility.
"why did you skip class" and "what made you skip class" sure sound the same, but personally i would feel attacked if the former was used.
Posted by: Silencers at May 14, 2005 07:15 PM
What made you write this article...
See, me getting sm"u"tter :D
My design proposal presentation went superbly well :0 Planning on getting myself a break after my first final paper yaye!
Posted by: EF at May 11, 2005 04:00 PM
Why??? Why do you think it is such? Why , why why? :)
I agree with you Andreas. Rephrasing why questions into something else does produce a different tone- something less whiny and more specific.
Posted by: Dhana at May 11, 2005 01:13 AM
This helps a lot!
Thanks.
Just wondering what to ask to the staff on how to execute the headcount review task.
Daunting..considering the duration of people that we have to consider for trimming..
heh!
Posted by: Sham at May 10, 2005 08:41 PM
never thought of that - interesting. sometimes you learn alot more asking why instead of specific questions though.
Posted by: chasyss at May 10, 2005 05:44 PM