« My first facial | Main | Conversations with friends »
May 11, 2005
Seek first to understand
It's Steven Covey's fifth habit, one of the Seven Strategies for Highly Effective People. And it is pretty powerful: Seek first to understand.
How often do we forget to ask for reasons behind someone's intention or actions? It is so much easier to judge some one, to call out: "They are wrong, ban them, kill them, make it go away!"
Think, honestly, what is the background of judging someone? Our own experience, our own perception, our upbringing.
Think again, think about a story you have heard, or a situation, where you were involved in an accident, or called as a witness to an accident.
How many different versions did come up? One, two or three? I think it depends on the number of people who recall the story or the accident. They report on what they have seen. Or, better: They report what they believe to have seen.
But, and this is a big BUT: How quickly do we dismiss what they tell us as wrong, as a lie?
We dismiss, because it is not our belief, not our perception. We want to hear something different, because we believe in something different. When it doesn't work that way, the other person lies, doesn't know it, hasn't seen it correctly, heard something different.
However, could it be that there is some truth in what the other person said? That they heard, saw, felt different from what we saw, heard and felt?
Why the difference? Simply because they operate on a different level. They are basing what they are doing, seeing or reporting on their own belief, their own perception, their own values. Surely, for them it is right! Must be as right as they believe that our opinion or perception is wrong. Can you see the conflict of interest?
All stories are right - theirs and mine. There is nothing that is wrong from the other person's point of view. Just like my point of view is correct.
Where does this bring me? It brings me to one conclusion only - I cannot judge the other person's point of view, cannot say that their point of view is wrong.
All I can do is to say that their point of view, their statement, their platform, is different from mine. I can accept it or not - but they don't lie! For them, it is true, it is their way of working, their operating system to see the world.
When I try to understand, however, I learn. I learn to see the world through their eyes. I widen my perspective. I stand, for just a couple of moments, in a different pair of shoes.
I gain wisdom!
Posted by Andreas at May 11, 2005 08:13 PM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.alwayswow.com/movabletype/mt-tb.cgi/249
Comments
Hmmm... What is truth then? If we are all subjective with our perception of reality, what is then - accepted to be the truth? :P
Let's take this for example: Let's say I lived in the jungle all my life and I had a son. I told my son that the color that is lighter than red is called "green" and not the universally accepted "pink". Since we have established truth as subjective, then am I actually wrong? I was being accused for not perceiving how the rest of the world perceives? This would only then suggest that the truth is one accepted by the perception of the majority right?
Woo..I'm confusing myself. I shall stop now. Haha.
Posted by: Ivy at May 16, 2005 09:12 PM
Must do so...must do so...*chants*
Posted by: Mei at May 12, 2005 02:20 PM